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Does ‘Education’ Worry You?

1 May

These days from the moment I wake up till the second I sleep (and probably while I sleep too:)) the one question that I worry about is whether or not to enroll M (my almost 9 years old daughter) in boarding school next year. Though ‘next year’ hardly sounds pressing, the decision is urgent since forms for the next academic session are accepted only till May, this year!

I am myself a boarding school product. having spent 17 years in the boarding, I had assumed, this was one decision I was never going to agonize over. But then, I was never a mother before. Mothers agonize over everything. And since education is one of the most  ‘respectable’ issues to agonize about, it has been on my mind. And it should be on your mind too If you are a parent or plan on being a parent ever

Consider this

A child who is five years old today will retire in 2068. Who the hell knows what the world will be like then?

Or this

What makes a school good? Are all ‘good’ schools actually good?

Or

What are the philosophies behind learning and education?

or

Is the new experiential system of teaching really better than the traditional system that most of us as Indian children experienced? If the traditional system has worked for them shouldn’t it work for us?

or this really scary thought

What if fifteen years down the line, educationists realise that rote learning wasn’t so bad really?That it is good to introduce children to competitions from the beginning. That ranking a child actually gives them concrete goals and helps them be practical. As it lets them know exactly where they stand. Sort of grounding them in the real world as opposed to living in a fantasy world where everyone is a winner.

To mull over this and other stuff like this Visit me at Parentous.com

Here is an excerpt from what I’ve written

Most of us who are parents today have been educated in the traditional way. In our times rote learning was acceptable and even desirable. It was not uncommon for our generation to be made to rattle off long English poems or tables of 18 and 19 to every guest who came home, while our parents beamed at us proudly. “Rattafication” was emphasized upon.

Teachers still gave punishments and homework wasn’t confined to weekends. Sports were something you did for fun, not for overall development. Science was the only option for boys , commerce was acceptable if you were really struggling with academics and allowing one’s son to opt for arts meant acknowledging he was a ‘lost case’.

By the time we grew up and stepped into parenthood the whole educational philosophy had turned inside out. Suddenly, ‘Education’ became a tool for encouraging creativity, increasing curiosity and experiential learning (At least on paper and in principal’s opening addresses!).

No wonder we feel lost in this new rhetorical maze. When I went to collect my daughter’s first report card, I discovered it is no longer fashionable to ask what your child ‘ranks’ in the class. I was foxed by the O’s, A’s, B’s on the colorful greeting card like thing the teacher handed out to me.

After five-minute conversation, about how neatly my child ate, how quiet she was, how she was the star of the class and other such niceties, when the teacher still didn’t say anything about my daughter’s academic performance. I asked her, “But how has she done?” “She has done well”, I was informed. “What does well mean?” I asked. I had observed another parent, before me, being reprimanded for asking his son’s rank in class. So I refrained from using the word. Instead I said “How has she done in relation to other children?” “She has done well”, was the prompt reply.

Bye! See you…….. I am leaving for an exceptionally long family vacation on May 15th. I am hoping I will have more time to write then.  I can hear you ‘tut tut’. I know! vacations are not the best time to write. But there is never any harm in hoping! It keeps me going! Hope !

 

 

The Carpenter Beckons…….

14 Apr

I’ve been largely absent from the blogosphere this  month. I miss being here  sorely! Lets just say its important I stay away for a while. We have closed down our restaurant for renovation and its essential that the work is completed as soon as possible. So instead of sitting at my desk , conversing with you guys. I look at boring autocad files all day long, Worrying about electric sockets and glass panels! Whew!!!!

In the meanwhile though blogosphere continues to be kind to me. Just Yesterday I got this notification

200 follow for wordpress

I am thrilled to bits on reaching another milestone :)

Thank you everyone!

I am  now also writing for parentous.com

This is a forum for parents to talk about parenting. As a regular contributor, I will be writing for them twice a month to begin with. My first post A Mother’s Regret   is out. Do visit me there if you find the time.

Here is an excerpt from what I’ve written there :

It’s the paradox that all parents are faced with. The time when our kids are young, is also the time when we are just setting up home, establishing our careers, getting a grip on our adult responsibilities.

A Mother’s Regret - Kids Grow Up So Fast - Mommy And Kids

Between the constant juggling that household chores, career and social responsibilities demand, time slips by. And before we know it, our kids are grown up! Raised by doting grandparents, if we are lucky! Or in the company of maids and other hired help.

I craved for silence. For a day, an hour, even a few minutes!

read more

Would have loved to stay on and chit-chat  for a little while longer. But the carpenter beckons!

Tada! then:) See you soon

And thank you  once again!

Weekly Photo Challenge – “Lost in Details” – Finding My ‘Special’ Shine –

3 Mar

Today I had an incredible experience!

Past few weeks I’ve being going through life on auto mode. I wake, I work, I eat, I work some more and at the end of the day I sleep. I usually like to go through life full force, cramming as much as I can into every second. Friends, family, work, play, writing….. But lately, everything seemed to have lost its sheen. I still continued to go through the motions but the spark went missing.

And then Today I found it again! In the most unexpected way.

A social service club I am a part of had an event in a school for the mentally challenged. I  agreed (not very enthusiastically! I may add) to go along. The school a small one with only 25 children was housed in a single room building. There was a neat well-kept garden outside. The head teacher received us warmly and introduced us to the children and their parents.

Whenever I meet the parents of a special child, I am at a loss for words. I know it’s fashionable to say stuff like “Oh they are such a blessing” or “They are so special” (Which they undoubtedly are!) But  in today’s time when everyone is so besotted with perfection-  perfect scores, perfect looks, perfect children… I can’t help thinking “Yes! They are special. But where is the space for them?”

Back in the times when we still lived in villages, and aspirations were simpler. At least there was more acceptance of these children. Their lives were not much different from those of the ‘normal’ children. Like all other children they too loitered in the fields, played make-believe games, stole mangoes and tamarind and watched the world go by. Agriculture was the main stay and as adults most of these children could be gainfully employed on the family fields. But in today’s hectic city lives, the gap between them and the ‘normal’ has increased. In today’s times of “Little Champs” and “Young maestros”, the divide between ‘normal’ and ‘special’ has become vast. The mechanized, office based livelihoods available in our cities today, don’t have much room for their ‘special-ness’. And every time I have spoken to the parent of a ‘special’ child I have heard the same fear. “What will happen to my child after I am gone?” Who will look after her/him? Who will take care of him? How will he survive?

In a country like India. Where 70 percent people still live below the poverty line. Where the state machinery has failed to deliver meaningful education and basic health facilities to even its ‘normal’ citizens. What hope of a secure future do these children have?

I remember well the first case I was assigned as a student social worker with a school for physically and mentally challenged children (That’s what they were called then!) in Bombay. I was asked to visit an ‘uncooperative’ mother. I was told “she doesn’t take the child to the therapist for appointments.” When I reached her home – a small cramped hut located in the middle of a filthy slum near Bandra. The lady was making chapatis on a kerosene stove, two young almost naked children stood next to her and a baby hung by her breast. Needless to say, I didn’t end up delivering my reprimand. She gratefully accepted my offer to take the child for her appointments.  “It’s not that I don’t want to take her didi but it takes up the whole day and I have to go to work too.” she said.

  A child with special needs requires additional resources. Besides financial resources, these children also require more supervision, time and patience. Unfortunately a great number of these children are born in families that don’t have enough to fulfill even the basic necessities. The already limited resources of these families are severely stretched by the presence of a ‘special’ child. These families need and should be provided adequate financial, psychological and emotional support.

The Indian government does support establishing and running of ‘special’ schools. But the number of these schools is grossly inadequate. Many of them are not properly equipped to provide the various therapies these children require. And there is also the fear that confining these children to ‘special’ schools may reduce their interaction with ‘normal’ children and cause social exclusion.  The focus thus, even in ‘special’ schools is on ‘mainstreaming’. By mainstreaming they mean pulling these children out of ‘special’ schools and absorbing them in regular schools. I don’t deny the need to mainstream and yet each time I approached a school for mainstreaming these children. I felt like I was abandoning them. Very few schools have ramp access or toilets to accommodate wheel chairs.  Children, even teachers were not sensitized towards these children. Often calling them names and staring rudely. It’s no wonder that the children themselves never looked forward to being mainstreamed. Mainstreaming was just another word for ‘adjusting’ . Adjusting, to a world that was designed to exclude them.

I have always felt that the solution may lie in the attitude. If for instance instead of focusing on ‘mainstreaming the children we begin to focus on ‘specialising the schools’.  We start to equip our ‘normal’ schools with facilities needed for ‘special’ children, both infra structural and attitudinal. As the schools adapt we can declare them as ‘regular schools with specialized facilities’. A special child crosses over many internal barriers to reach a normal school. The least we can do is ensure that when they do reach there they are welcomed with open arms.

I remember a conversation I once had with a young physically challenged man. He couldn’t walk and had to use a wheelchair to get around. He belonged to a well to do family and his parents managed to get him educated in the best of institutions in India. But he said that the first time he felt truly ‘accepted’ was when he went to an American university to pursue his Post Graduation studies. The university had researched on his particular kind of disability and modified his assigned accommodation according to his needs without any instructions to do so, even before he reached. His eyes filled with tears when he said “For the first time in my life I felt able not disabled”.

Our entire educational system is designed for the average, The average child is who we are concerned about. But an average child is a mathematical myth. An average child doesn’t really exist. Each child is unique. In our quest to treat all children as same we beat out their uniqueness till they fit into our pigeon-hole of the ‘average child’.

But I am digressing. As I am prone to doing each time I reflect upon the state of our children and our educational system. The post was about regaining my lost fervor. And that’s what I wish to share with you.

So here we were, six well turned out ladies from a social welfare group. After, dropping our ‘normal’ children in city’s most expensive schools. We had come here to meet these children and their parents, most of them from poor economic backgrounds.  Most of these children were mentally challenged, many suffering from border line retardation. Quite a few of them had an odd gait, held their head in an unusual tilt. A few of them could not walk without support. The principal informed us as we reached that the children had prepared a cultural program for us.

When we walked in, we were surrounded by bright eyes and happy smiles. The children were dressed gaily. There was a buzz in the air as CDs were collected and mikes were  set up. Cheerful banter was being exchanged. Mothers fussed over their wards as proud dads clicked pictures. When the program began, we were struck by the pure joy that these children brought to their performances. There was none of the self-consciousness that one associates with stage programs among normal children. The steps didn’t matter, there was no obsession over coordination or ‘getting it right’. Unchained by the expectations to be ‘perfect’ these children danced with abandon. They danced for themselves. And in doing so they made the experience memorable for us.

No matter how hard their life is there is a beauty in it. That one can’t help admiring. Their lack of ambition and self-consciousness makes one wistful, almost envious.  Their innocence and ability to derive joy in the smallest of things makes one look around at the world with renewed wonder. Their unabashed joy rubs off on everyone, even my world-weary soul. And I find myself smiling. The world no matter how selfish and brutal is still a wonderful place. I find myself thinking “The key lies in not getting lost in the details of living. Instead we need to  just slow down and enjoy the ride”

At the end of the program, we hand out the prizes. The children beam, the parents look on proudly. The warm glow I feel in my heart brightens me from inside adding sheen to my every thought. As I leave there is a spring in my step and  I get the feeling that I received the biggest prize of all!!

Other posts on this week’s challenge

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  2. Weekly Photo Challenge: Lost in the Details | The Eclectic Eccentric Shopaholic
  3. Weekly Photo Challenge: Lost in the Details – The Story of a Hippo | Rolbos ©
  4. Weekly Photo Challenge : Lost in the Details | Kisahku
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  6. Pagoda of 10,000 Buddhas | A View from Miami
  7. Detail in Daylight | The Eclectic Eccentric Shopaholic
  8. Weekly Photo Challenge : Lost in the Details | Jejak BOcahiLANG
  9. Lost in the details: Never judge a book by its cover. | Multifarious meanderings
  10. Weekly Photo Challenge: Lost in the Details (2 Branches) | What’s (in) the picture?
  11. Weekly Photo Challenge: Lost in the details | blueberriejournal
  12. Weekly Photo Challenge – Lost in the Details | Just Sara
  13. Weekly Photo Challenge – Lost in the details | Min lite av varje
  14. WordPress Weekly Photo Challenge: Lost in the Details | Fabulous 50′s
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  24. Hair Detail | Colline’s Blog
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  30. Into the details of a Guatemalan Ruin | the thirdeyeworld
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  43. Detailed Rockies | Sammy’s Moleskine
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Creating memories that last forever! Happy Diwali

13 Nov

We are celebrating Diwali this week. For those of you, unfamiliar with Diwali, its one of the most magical festivals of India. In a country that boasts of dozens of happy , colourful, beautiful festivals , that is no small feat! Preparations for Diwali start weeks in advance. Every nook and corner of the house is cleaned up and then cleaned up some more. Walls are painted, gifts are bought, sweets and treats are made in bulk, and decorations are done. The major among the last being the “Rangoli”. Colored powder, paints, flowers and lamps are used to make intricate patterns on the floor. Being creatively challenged, making rangoli was never my forte. I often

wondered at the patience of people who spent four to five hours to create something gorgeous on the floor, only to be swept away the next morning. But they say kids teach you everything. This year I learned that the rituals we observe during a festival may or may not serve any religious purpose. But they form traditions, that tie generations together, creating a happy thread that joins us to our past and future. I learned that “rangoli” is not about the colors on the floor. It’s about the memories in your heart. And two hours spent on creating memories for life seemed like time wisely spent!

M making Rangoli

The ‘rangoli‘ won’t make it to any design book but I hope the memories will stay in her heart forever!

Wishing you all an year-full of happy magical memories. Happy Diwali!

Butterflies in my tummy!

11 Nov

I’ve got butterflies in my tummy today! And I am not talking about an occasional butterfly here or there that lazily flaps its wings as it smoothly sails against the  still blue sky. Today I am talking about hordes of butterflies, all eager to escape! madly scrambling for a way out of my stomach.

As I sit down to write this two little girls in my life are preparing to take big steps into adulthood.

M, my Eight year old daughter is scheduled to leave tomorrow for Delhi. She is representing her school in an inter school competition and will be traveling with her teacher and older school mates for the same. As I look at the itinerary, I can’t help feeling nervous. It mentions two seven hour-long train rides, a stay at a hotel, two meals on trains, the other two unplanned! I glance at M as she sleeps peacefully, her brow unmarked by care.  She spends ages over her morning milk! Is a rice eater and hates chapatis, unless they are served with lady finger! She doesn’t know how to tie her ponytails! M gets cold easily! She is fussy about using unclean looking public toilets! Dear God, I feel like I am sending my little doll  alone and unprepared, into the Big Bad World. How will she manage?

On the other V, my sister-in-law is 30. Not a little girl by most definitions. But, she was  when I met her the first time. Only four, as she slept all curled up on a couch next to me  at an aunt’s wedding. Neither of us knew back then, that fifteen years later we would meet at another wedding. In which her brother would be the groom and I the bride. There is so much I remember about  “little V. “I still remember the warmth with which she welcomed me into her ’15 year old’ world. Even though she was taking her class tenth exam that year, she danced in the “geet”. I was proudly introduced to every friend and filled in with every detail of their teenage life. She became my anchor in an unknown house and family. Not only did she help me unpack and settle all my stuff. She told me little details about how the family functions – how to win mom over, or where the bone china is kept. She introduced me to the family dog and the many friends and acquaintances who dropped in to meet us. She was my constant companion at formal dinners and parties ensuring I didn’t mix up people’s names and knew the appropriate way to greet them. She even did my hair and make-up (As an older bhabhi that should have been my job, but lets just say I sucked at all that) and helped decide what I should wear.

As time rolled V had to make her own decisions.  I remember us agonizing over what classes to help her pick? Which college to choose? I look back now at all the trips we took  to strange cities – trying to judge if it would be the right place to help her pursue her engineering dreams. We must have done something right. Because it all worked out eventually. V completed her MBA and got married to the most amazing boy! And today all of us wait with bated breaths to welcome their first baby into our family.

My little V has grown up. Sometime tonight she will be a mom herself! I am nervous. Nervous because I know how many things can go wrong. Nervous because being a mom of two, I know how challenging motherhood is. Nervous because I want only the best for the baby and V and nervous because I know my wanting something, no matter however badly is not going to be enough.

The two little girls in my life are growing up. And all I can do is hope that they have it in them to face whatever challenge life throws at them.

Just as I got ready to hit the publish button I got the happy news that my dear V has been blessed with a ‘baby girl’ . It was an arduous delivery! but V came out with flying colors! And now we have another little girl to watch and hope and pray for!

PS: I had meant to post this, but stuff happened. Meanwhile M has returned from her trip. She and her partner stood second among sixteen teams. But what makes me prouder is that when we went to collect her from the railway station, M was beaming! She introduced us to all the didis and bhaiyas who had accompanied her and from the way they bid adieu, it was clear. M’s first solo foray into the Big Bad World had been a happy one!

My little girls are growing up! and guess what they are doing just fine :)

Reported Missing from WordPress! A tale Of Over enthusiastic children and busy Moms

21 Oct

Those of you who are kind enough to read me regularly know that I have been MIA lately.

To the uninitiated ‘MIA’  means missing in action – Strong words you say?

Well maybe! But that’s how I feel

I often come across bloggers who are not being regular on their blogs – Many of them complain of hitting a block – A Writer’s Block – I envy that, it means they have been writing long and often enough to have run out of things to say!

And then there are others who have started full-time college again! (Kudos to that).

There are those who are having their books published and are obviously a bit busy – What with all the preparations needed for the upcoming book release and the numerous talks, I suppose.

Then there are those who have a full-time job, where the new boss is acting up and piling their desks sky-high with files! My sympathies to the last.  (May the boss be transferred soon so you may retreat  behind your computer pretending to work while lining up posts to be freshly pressed instead!)

But none of these noble reasons are the reason for my forced absenteeism from your in-boxes.

The reason I am missing from WordPress  is because

I have over enthusiastic kids!!!

Ya! You heard me!

I can hear the “tut tuts”. I know it’s not fashionable to speak against your kids. That its politically incorrect to point a finger at one’s children! It’s definitely not okay to blame them for your failures!

AND YET I DO IT!

Children! It’s your fault, I don’t get any time to blog!

There I said it! Loud and Clear! Feel better already!

Before the WP forum against “Parents who rant about their children” descends on me Let me put up some hard evidence.

Some of you may know,  I have two children – M, My daughter is now Eight and K, my son is six.

M is an avid artist and a novice keyboard player K a budding percussionist! And a persistent tennis player!  Between school work, music and tennis classes life is always busy.

And yet I can safely say we didn’t know what “busy” meant till we encountered, last week.

image courtesy chickenwingscomics.com2011-10-18-cw0536

Last week, was the GRAND MOM of all the busy weeks we have had – EVER!

It all began with an innocuous announcement by M last Tuesday. As I picked her from school.  “Mom Meehu is participating in a dance competition.” Let me interject here and fill in that Meehu is a good friend of M. She is a talented dancer! What you would call a gifted dancer! And it makes perfect sense for her to indulge her passion!

“That’s nice!” I replied somewhat absent-mindedly!

“I want to too” – now that got me attention. M has never shown much interest in dancing. There have been a few attempts here and there. At family weddings or in summer camps but never too much interest! “You do?”  “Yes” she said determinedly!

“But there is hardly any time left to practice. You can’t enter a dance competition with two days worth of practice!” I said in what I hoped, was my most reasonable tone. Or at least the most reasonable tone that one can adopt while thinking about the long hours required to put together a costume, find a dance teacher, select a song, pick and drop for practices while maintaining a balance with school work and my own household and office chores.  “Mom are you trying to discourage me?”

That worked better than any argument that M could have made. Frantic calls were made, a dance teacher was found and M and I were ensconced for the rest of the evening in the dance teacher’s  care. M practicing, very sincerely I must say. And me, trying to organize the dress. Three days whizzed by! Old ‘lehengas’ were retrieved and adjusted for size, matching bangles were bought. Friends were approached for jewellery and props were arranged. The evening of the dance competition found us both at the venue. M, all dressed up to dazzle  in a gorgeous ‘lehenga’, and me armed with  two large bags (to battle any costume emergencies we may face)  and an even larger camera determined to capture every precious moment.

All dressed for the dance

The night before the competition, while reading M, a story, as is our routine, I had tried somewhat clumsily to impart some acquired wisdom about competitions. “M, you know right! That I am proud of you. No matter how you do in the competition” M just sighed and spoke in the placating tone she reserves for her younger brother usually “Mumma, don’t worry I am participating because I want to participate, not to get a prize” Good enough!

“Should we leave?” I asked M after her dance was done. The dance had gone off without a hitch. M had managed to remember every step and had shown great confidence onstage. She had done well, actually very well,. But she was no ‘natural’ and she had not been ‘dancing’ since the day she was born!

“Of course not mum, let’s wait till the prizes” . But you may not get any, I wanted to say. Thankfully I managed to bite that back. Prizes were announced and Meehu stood first. Two of M’s close friends came second and third. I sneaked a look searchingly at the little girl sitting beside me for signs of disappointment. I wasn’t sure whether M would remember her own mature dictates. Surely I would not blame her if she got caught in the excitement of it all and felt let down when she got no prize. But M was happily clapping and cheering her friends! Bravo! I felt like saying! I don’t care who gets the trophy for dancing, the trophy for “putting yourself out there” belongs to you M!

As we got into our car,  tired and hungry. I was contented. Yes it had been tedious and tiring and had required a lot of adroit juggling but the lesson had been worth it! For both – M and Me. I was ready to go home and crash. But that was not to be. As we sat down to dinner M beamed. “Mum tomorrow is the drawing competition. K and I will participate! I am good at drawing. I always get a prize!” That was true; she often did do well at drawing. But that may not hold true tomorrow! I began to say something, to the effect of prizes and what they mean or don’t mean in fact! But saw her eager face and decided to let it go.

My little girl is growing up! She figured it out today. I am sure she will figure it out tomorrow too! All she needs is a little practice! And no matter how busy I am I won’t deny her that.

This is what our week looked like:

The WEEK this week

And just as I get ready to publish this M’s teacher calls. She has been selected to represent her school in a quiz competition in Delhi! Will I be willing to prepare her and escort her for the same? Of course I will!!! The blog can wait for now! My daughter has too many new waters to test! And lessons to learn and so does her mom!

lehengas – a traditional long skirt worn for Rajasthani folk dance.

Weekly Photo Challenge : “Mine” – Through the eyes of an eight year old!

2 Oct

The photo challenge this week is ‘Mine’. ‘Mine’ as in belonging to ME, not ‘mine’ like ‘land mine’! Thankfully! cause god alone knows what I would have written for that!!! :) Though the term ‘mine ‘ itself is a landmine of sorts! Riddled with all kind of traps and fuses that threaten to destroy those who dare to tread on it carelessly!

Instead of the stuff I write usually,  ‘dark and sentimental’. For this challenge, I decided to post a poem written by my daughter – Mishthi . She wrote it this Sunday for a class assignment. Mishthi is eight years old, studies in third grade and is in love with words. The poem symbolizes  ‘ mine’ . But in an innocent way! A way that only a child can use the term. Hope you enjoy it :)

My Book

There is a book I have
With tales so ‘fab’
A princess locked in a tower
A man with such power
That mountains shake
Each time a breath he takes
I read it every night
At quarter to nine
And after I fall asleep
I dream of the stories I read
Of  Kings and queens I met
While lying
with my book in my bed

Mishthi Goel

III C

That she loves her book is quite evident! I am not sure how the teacher will like the poem. But I am definitely proud of these children of ‘MINE’

Mishthi with her Brother – A few years back!

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Aside

 Five Things to do with your children this ‘Rakhi’

2 Aug
Rakhi 2005

Rakhi 2005 (Photo credit: Über Times)

Today  is Rakhi, Or Raksha bandhan. India is a land of festivals. We have one for every day of the year and then some to spare. But that’s what makes India such a wonderful place to grow up in. Here we celebrate everything – harvesting cycles, seasons, God‘s birthdays ( Honestly!!!) , relationships! Raksha bandhan is the festival for brothers and sisters.
For the benefit of those not familiar with India and its customs. On this day sisters tie their brothers a “Rakhi” – something like a friendship band ,  seeking their protection. The brothers give them a gift as a token of their love and affection and promise to look after them and protect them always. In the traditional Indian context this practice made a lot of sense. Women did not have access to power – economic, physical or social and needed a male to protect their interest. Kingdoms were broken or made on the threads of a ‘rakhi’. One did not have to be born of the same parents to be tied in this platonic bond. A girl could tie a ‘rakhi’ to any man they thought worthy to be their brother. Once the bond was made, it was honoured  forever. Indian mythology and history is studded with shining examples of the strength of the bond between such brothers and sisters.
As a child, I was a great fan of Rakhi. It meant being with  cousins, delicious food, and tons of gifts. A large part of Rakhi was the process of making them. A month or more before rakhi, the girls hostel where I studied would come alive. The softest silk threads in impossibly beautiful colors were bought. Rakhi cords were made with these. There were complex techniques and every year even more intricate designs were discovered. Everywhere one looked , girls in twos or alone braiding/ plaiting/ beating, or working their magic on these silkenthreads. Embellishments for the ‘rakhis’ – Beads, dried leaves, feathers, shells, ribbons would be bought, collected,exchanged, stuck upon and opinions sought. Making ‘rakhis’ was not only an art but a religion.

With time though like other festivals, ‘rakhi’ too got commercialized. The feelings were  the same but the personal touch was lost. These days ‘rakhi’ means going to the market and selecting  a ‘rakhi’   that fits one’s budget and aesthetic sense.  Very much like buying a dress! Most ‘rakhis’  in fact come from China! I can only imagine what the Chinese men/ women making those ‘rakhis’ think about them. Definitely not the happy thought we thought about our brothers while making ours.
1 This rakhi instead of going to the market and purchasing the latest fad driven’ rakhi’ of “doremon”  or some other similar Chinese cartoon.  We decided to get creative and make our own ‘ rakhis’. Sadly the silken threads are no longer available. Driven out from the market by (you guessed it) the plastic lit up ‘rakhis’ with ‘made in china’ tags. So we improvised. Using pop up  stickers, satin ribbons, cut outs from old cards and beads etc. from old ‘rakhis’. We created our own ‘rakhis’. A little puppy ‘rakhi’ for the four year old brother who loves puppies, a beaded bracelet for the seven year cousin who loves dressing up. My  daughter indulged her creativity and we got some beautiful personalized ‘rakhis’ and two beaming proud kids.
2. Traditionally ‘Rakhi’ was tied by a sister to a brother seeking protection and care. The brother promised protection and also as the “giver” bestowed gifts on her. In changed circumstances of our home where we attempt to raise both our daughter and son similarly we have changed the rules.  They both tie ‘rakhis’ to each other and they both give and recieve gifts. I hope my daughter will grow up to be as able to look after her brother. And that they will both provide protection, love and care to each other.
3. This year we encouraged our children to fund their own gifts. M, our daughter has just turned eight and K our son is six. A good time we  figured to teach the lesson of finance. The piggy bank was brought out and broken. Treasures divided equally so each child could buy the other a gift, with their own money. The kids were dazzled that all the coins they had carelessly fling into such a handsome sum and that it was theirs to spend. A better lesson in the habit of small saving could not be given.
We also let them decide what they would get for each other. They chose two toy shops they wished to go to, to pick their gifts.  I ferried them around. And was pleasantly surprised with the remarkable thoughtfulness and restrain they displayed. For the first time, M  didn’t head directly towards the dolls and k spent long enough time looking at novels!  That his sister simply adores.  I was proud at the maturity with which they conducted themselves. Carefully checking labels for prices, doing the maths. Trying to make up their minds what the other would enjoy more.  When K came to me To ask for an extra thirty rupees so his sister could also have the skipping rope she wanted .  I was only too ready to oblige my little ‘magi’.
4. In our home My sister in laws had started this lovely practice of making the dessert for ‘rakhi’ themselves. No Indian festival is complete without a sweet. We’ve decided to adopt this beautiful gesture. Today both K and M are cooking little surprises for each other. I hope to raise not only a daughter who can protect and provide but a son who can cook and feed.
 Its easy to shun a festival for being steeped in  chauvinism and smack of gender bias. But its infinitely more satisfying to adapt the festival to suit newer values , modern scenarios and create something awesome and new. So that while our children don’t miss out on all the fun of festivals they also don’t fall prey to old “messages” about gender rules and acceptable social roles
What is your favorite festival? Have you adapted any old customs to better suit your own modern views. What was your experience?
In case you are wondering why this post has got links to wikipedia pages on god, silken, chinese cartoon etc. ? I wish to clarify the links were unintended. I just don’t know how to deactivate them. Some silly wordpress issue that I cant seem to get my head around. Bear with me till I figure it out!
Aside

Weekly photo challenge : “inside”

22 Jul

Don’t put the Blame on me ….

my insides hurt

they pain

and cramp

and ache

and strain

the memory

of what you did

I was

six

just  a child

and I loved you wild

with you

I felt

safe

protected

cared for.

but that touch

was that justified?

this must be

the way its done

loving

and caring

and protecting.

yet it felt so wrong

this secret

we kept

from the

world all along

it rested heavy

on my little heart

when realization dawned

the hurt

humiliation

anger

and guilt

immense guilt

almost made my insides spill

had I brought it on?

Could I?

Did I?

Should I?

share the blame

of your unrestrained lust

your brutality

your sneakiness

your  shame

yes I did share your secret

but

the  crime wasn’t mine

already

Its scars I  bear

the wounds

so deep

they will always be there

my tormentor

at least now

let me be

don’t

please don’t

try to

put the

blame on me ….

 

other entries in this weeks challenge

 

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Taking a walk down memory lane …..

19 Jul

I look at the clock. Its 7:35. “If we don’t leave home in 5 we will be late for school” I shout. The children come hurriedly. K tucking his t-shirt in his barely fitting shorts. “Need to get him a new pair”, I make a mental note to myself in the ever-growing “to do” list. And then comes M. Her shoulder length hair a mess. “What? Your hair is still not combed” I shout. No! she shouts back even more loudly. Realizing this won’t work. I attempt a calmer approach.  “Sit on the chair, I will make it” And then begins the  inevitable struggle. I brush, ‘un-knot’, detangle. She squirms, grimaces and wriggles.   ” I think we should get your hair cut short”, I say

“Ma, you remember what happened when dad did last time” she retorts!!!

I do!!! It was too precious to forget. This is  something I wrote about it back then  Welcome back Rubberbands.... Today M and I are  taking a trip down memory lane.  Care to join us.

Do you have any favorite  posts that treasure memories of your children as they were/are growing up? Aren’t you glad you wrote them, when you did? Do you go back to them often?

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