Ruminations of an Indian Bride…

An Indian Bride
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In the darkness of the night , I look with confusion at my hennaed hands..

The deep red signifies..

Good luck, fertility or bloodied sighs..

My sisters and mom sleep next to me..

Their warm bodies and deep  breaths calm me..

But what will tomorrow bring?

A new family to my door!  A new mummy who isn’t my mom?

A man , a  sis in law, A new home?

what will they be like? How will I win their hearts?

Make sure they love me from the start?

Will I get everything right?

Or just fumble and sweat and jump in fright?

Will they understand my nervousness and give me a chance..

To prove my worth and make a mark..

To win respect and affection, love and admiration..

If I could I would be the happiest girl alive..

But what if? I can’t..

What if all they care for is, what I bring?

Money, gifts and gold rings?

If at every chance they get..

They shout and scream and humiliate!

Will I be able to live like   that?

Bear the hurt , wipe  the tears ,hide the marks..

I look at my family around me..

Sleeping heavily, with dream laden eyes..

Tomorrow for them is a happy day!

I must not let my doubts be seen..

I must never break that dream!



7 Comments Add yours

  1. jeglatter says:

    Perfect, a great post.:)

  2. Oh, but we must let our doubts be seen.
    How else are we going to be true to ourselves; and not just other people’s version of us?

    1. that’s right. But in the Indian context(.. brides to be.. do not usually have the space to show their doubts. They are just supposed to be happy that they have found a “match” and there is little scope for her feelings about the prospective groom or family within an arranged marriage setup..

  3. Is this a memory or just a reflection of arranged marriages in India? Trust and acceptance and learning to love are part of any relationship, arranged or otherwise, don’t you think?

    1. its a reflection.. I have had the chance to speak to young girls and women in slums and villages.. yes, trust and acceptance are a part of any relationship but this a should be from both sides. With both sides wishing to make the effort in the Indian arranged marriage context the balance is many times skewed .. with the woman being expected to make most of the effort.. and she is bound to have doubts. Moreover , the possibility of being harassed and killed for dowry is an ugly truth for many women .. this is about them.

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