Don’t you just hate it? When, after you finish writing (what you thought) was an awesome blog. You scroll down to the recommended links and it leads you to another blog on the same topic(and I mean exactly the same)! Only funnier, better more readable! Don’t you go, Oh! that’s what I wanted to say. Why didn’t I put it like that? And then, the “awesome” blog that you couldn’t wait to post, doesn’t seem worth posting anymore. I mean why should anyone want to read two blog on the same thing? It could be anything – “10 reasons I write”, “The politics of education” or “The art of capturing light” – Readers are looking for originality, Right?
But, in this age of WordPress, Blogger, Live Journal, Xanga et al. Is there anything worth writing that hasn’t already been written about? Sometimes I wonder. If Shakespeare lived in our times, would he be as great? Or would he burn in self-doubt, seeing so much awesome talent out there. Maybe we would never have a “Merchant of Venice” or a “Romeo and Juliet”. Because once Shakespeare wrote them, let’s say on WordPress.. it would politely lead him to Mr x’s “Merchant of Rome” or Mrs. Y’s ” Henry and Emma”! What would he do? Shakespeare, being Shakespeare, may guffaw at the competition and bravely click the “publish” button. But me? I am no Shakespeare! I don’t think I am even a “writer”. I just enjoy writing. I hardly know any big words. My punctuation stinks! I have no knowledge of history or science or religion and not much of a sense of humor! To top it all, I do this in between tasks – from 1:15 – 1:35 p:m between cooking lunch and picking kids from school. Or between 4:30 p:m – 4:55 p:m, when the kids have finished chewing my mind over, whatever they decide it needs to be chewed over, on that particular day.
My hands tremble. They shake. I agonize over whether I should go ahead and “publish” regardless? Or should I “re-look” at my now “not so awesome ” post. If I do decide to publish. I wonder if I should add the link to the “better” piece (valiantly, acknowledging the better attempt). Or ignore it and just pretend it doesn’t exist. (If others don’t read the competition, they may still think mine is awesome).
Maybe, things would have been different, if I had indeed been a “writer”! If I had the vocabulary, the knowledge and the satire. Then , no matter how many posts had been written about “Ruminations of an Indian Bride” or “Tennis rackets for sale” (All , incidentally posts by me) I would confidently “Publish” and my admiring followers would read, “like” and “comment”.The elusive “WordPress” gods would dote on me and I would be “freshly pressed” so often, my intestines would hang out! But alas! That was not to be. God, in all his/her (I like to be gender neutral!), didn’t make me one.
That brings me, to my grouse with God. why didn’t she/he make me his/her chosen one? the one with the “gift”? The “gift of words”! Why, make me believe I have the talent and then, rub in the fact that others have more. I know God is supposed to be generous. But couldn’t she/he be a little stingy on this one particular skill. I don’t expect to be a good singer. I don’t even attempt to sing in the bathroom in the fear that the taps may dry up. I don’t attempt to paint. Cause the lame splotches I produce, would make my 5-year-old look down on me in disdain. I can’t “craft”, I end up pointing the glue gun at my nose rather than whatever requires “glue-gunning” at that moment. The one thing I can do. Or at least thought I could do with some respectability, was “Write”. Mind you, I am reasonable. I never expected to be a Vikram Seth, or a Ruskin Bond or even a Chetan Bhagat (All my favorites! by the way) I never expected to produce a “classic” or a “best seller” or an “even published”. I thought my demand was pretty reasonable. All I wished for, was an audience that would read my “original” thoughts and share my acquired worldly “insights” from the comfort of their homes. At their leisure, without spending a penny. But imagine my disappointment, when I realized that I am not even a worth reading blogger. Just an “Also Ran” “Average” “B or B+” ” Second Rate” Blogger .
Is it only me? Or are there times, when you too feel “second-rate “?