God Speaks


The world existed before you

And it will live long after;

The last sorry specimen of you  perish and leave.

I created you

Just as I created billions of other things before you

But you cast  me into molds

That fit your narrow imagination

Wind, birds and the trees were my voice

You gave me words confined to a language that you spoke

The books you worship in my name

Were written by you

Their thoughts and diktats

Your interpretation of what should be

You made ‘Sacred’; and You created ‘Sins’

I am free of ego, desires, pleasures and whims

I who gave innumerable forms to  countless things

What makes you think I will bound myself to a form?

I who have nothing to  be ashamed of

Why will I hide myself in a garb?

I am formless



Why will I confine myself to a shrine?

No matter, how spectacular!

Your words don’t hurt me

Your actions can not provoke me

You are but a blimp on the vast horizon of my time

For I am…


Eternal; Encompassing; Indestructible and








Prized Possessions

What are My most Prized possessions? 
I was tempted to say my kids. The ones I made with my flesh and blood. In who I have poured everything I had and to who I will leave everything I have left. But our children are not our possessions. Though I as most others often forget.

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

Kahlil Gibran

And if my kids are not my possessions how then can my husband or my other loved ones be?

My home – The one I live my life in.  Its every nook and corner spills over with me. It reflects everything about my family and me – our personalities, priorities, interests , memories – Our lives. And yet, its not mine too. It has seen people just like me  before. People who dreamed their own dreams and made their own memories within its four walls. It has witnessed times that are only known to me from pages of history and it will live to witness an age that I will never see. Many others will walk its shady verandas, play on its mosaic laid terrace and dreamily watch the moon from its elegant verandas. No! My home is not my possession. It is just something I  have been loaned for a fraction of time.
My books, clothes , gadgets, jewellery – The millions of small things that cram my shelves and fill my cupboards. Some of them bring me much joy. Others are dearly held as tokens of places and people significant to me, as keepers of tales that I love to recount and as snapshots of moments I treasure. And yet they are replaceable. Each one of them! Not one of them prized enough to  really matter.
What is it that I prize over all others? The one thing that is wholly mine. That defines me and completes me . That if lost will leave me incomplete, fragmented.
For me , its my memories – Those that I have created with my children and my loved ones over the years. Those little snippets of my life that got embedded in my brain forever by some unknown, mysterious process . They are mine in a way that nothing can ever be. Not even my hopes and dreams because those belong still to the future and change and mold so quickly that I am almost unable to keep pace. And when I look at a dream I held a few years back I often just scoff at it wondering how foolish I was at 16 or 18 or 21.
My memories though stay the same – Bound in sepia colours they remain unchanged. Like good friends to be visited any time of the day. Everyday if I please. Or after years have rolled by. Secure in the knowledge that no matter when I go calling, they will always be there.  A little dusty sometimes, but essentially the same. Bringing me the same joys, laughter, smiles & tears they always have.
My memories — are and will remain my most prized possessions. I cherish them and they define me. In moments of confusion or anger they guide me. Reminding me gently of what it is that truly matters to me.
Without them I would be incomplete, fragmented  – An empty shell …Without a beginning. And how can anything that doesn’t have a beginning ever have an end?
That is why I dread, this passing time – I fear not the wrinkles it brings. Not even the drudgery and disease that is inevitable. But I do fear with all my heart and soul – The memories that slip by as time takes hold.

The time thief

  Attempts to  steal

What’s dearest to me –

A jar full I surreptitiously keep


Tucked under my pillow

At night as I sleep

Lest the thief

Come stealthily by

And from my sleeping fists

Attempts to pry

My most precious memories


Through the day

I peep in to check

And when my lovelies

Beam back at me

A deep sigh of relief I heave


We are not equal

Time and I

He is mighty and I am slight

Yet In this battle between

the thief and I

I am determined to Win

In response to The Daily Post writing prompt: “Pride and Joy.”


The Day of Divisions – When the faces came off

“A Day of Divisions” – A ‘Found Poetry’ on The Dadri Beef Lynching Case

A Day Of Divisions

Another Ordinary day had almost drawn to an end

Dinner was well over

And lights were being switched off

In the village

He was chatting with his family

There was a sense of revelry

Within the walls of the Blacksmith’s home

He had a lot to be thankful about

A little distance away

Two young boys, maybe three

Three young boys, maybe two

Were sitting and chatting too

In the labyrinthine maze of half-fulfilled dreams

Tomorrow held little promise and no relief

No relief and little promise held tomorrow

From the drudgery of everyday existence

When they saw a dog wrestle with a packet of bones

A packet of bones they saw the dog wrestled with

The loudspeaker magnified the message

A cow had been slaughtered

The ‘proof’ was enough for the neighbours

The same neighbours who had embraced him on Eid

Three days back and

Complimented his mother for the tasty mutton

Suddenly turned blood thirsty

Blood thirsty they turned suddenly

Neighbours became killers

Killers became neighbours



All faces wore masks

All masks were removed



Day Six of Writing 201 : poetry presented the following challenge.

Prompt : Faces           Form: Found Poetry       Device: Chiasmus

For me this was the most difficult challenge till now. I used an article from Hindustan Times October 11, 2015

I went about it in the traditional way. All words (excepts masks)  used in the poem have been cut out from a single newspaper article. I have only taken the liberty to rearrange them.

found poetry

writing 201


Still playing catch up. Day Two:

Prompt: Gift  Form: Acrostic   Device: Simile



Silently her solemn eyes convey

Her inner strife

At six she has already seen the

Macabreness of life

Ending her innocence with a gift she didn’t ask for



Not been able to weave in a simile.






writing 201

Trying my hands at ‘Limericks’ – Writing 201

I have signed up for Writing 201: Poetry and though I am starting out four days late I intend to catch up! Here is assignment for day Four.  Prompt: Imperfect  ; Form: Limerick ;  Device: Enjambment.

I have always enjoyed limericks but never ever attempted to write one. Have written four for this assignment. Though the last line is two in ‘Clueless in Wakaloo” and “Bookworm’s Choice”.


Imperfect Me

Too short,  too thin

my crooked nose, my clumsy chin

Broadcasting to all

my many faults

Does putting me down make you win?


Perfect World

Song-less birds, Leaf-less trees

Fragrance – less flowers, Sting-less bees

Skies without white puffy clouds

Young minds devoid of  doubts

Anomalies – I wish never to see


Clueless in Wakaloo

Once an old man from Honaloo

Walked a thousand miles to Wakaloo

But when he got  there

He was filled with despair

Why he had traveled; he hadn’t a clue


A Bookworm’s Choice

There was once a bookworm named Ted

He loved to eat his breakfast in bed

Happily he gobbled on Stephen King

Rowley, Hemingway & Charles Dickens

Biting into Plath; he requested some Rumi instead

I would appreciate any tips and advice from seasoned poets.

A Mother’s Regret

It’s the paradox that all parents are faced with. The time when our kids are young, is also the time when we are just setting up home, establishing our careers, getting a grip on our adult responsibilities. Between the constant juggling that household chores, career requirements and social responsibilities demand, time  slips by. And before we know it, our kids are grown up! Raised by doting grandparents, if we are lucky! or in the company of maids and other hired help.

I had my two kids, back to back. Kabir, my younger one is just Nineteen months younger than his sister Maya. The first three years of their lives together are a blur! The details lost in the endless stream of dirty bottles and soiled diapers.  I remember, my predominant thought from that time was of getting away! Getting away from the seemingly endless cries to be fed, burped, cleaned or put to bed. And even from their cute but incessant, high pitched childish prattle.  I craved for silence. For a day, an hour, even a few minutes!  I wasn’t a bad Mom! Just a harassed mom!

My best friend, those days was also a working mom. We shared notes about our sleep deprived lives. Bemoaning the endless list of tasks we faced each morning. It also upset us that we had very little time or energy left to concentrate on our hard earned careers.  We looked forward to the time when the kids would grow up and we could ‘reclaim’ our normal lives.

The friend’s son has now come to class five. This month he leaves home to join a prestigious residential school. She will finally have more ‘her’ time. More time to spend on her work and leisure!  But instead of rejoicing she can’t stop crying. I understand her sorrow completely. The thought that I will be in her place, seeing off my own little girl, next year fills me with dread. And, a sense of regret!  Here are a few words (Not really a poem!) that express my thoughts.

My little girl

All ready to fly

Now that it’s time to let go

I wonder why?

Why I didn’t?

Spend more time

Playing with dolls,

composing silly rhymes,

Sipping tea from little cups

Pretend playing and dressing up

Why didn’t I sit for more hours?

With her head on my laps

Mindless of my  chores

Playing childish games

“Peek a Boo”, “Guess that name”

Visiting the  “tickling monster “

Making funny faces, to hear her roar with laughter

Did I really get enough?

Bubble baths and cook ups

Neighborhood treks and sand play

Hopping races and modeling Clay

Sunday picnics, long evenings in the park

Surprise treats and heart to hearts

 Why we didn’t finger paint more often

Or just lie in bed and have more fun

I wish when I still had the time

 I’d scolded lesser and praised her more,

Corrected lesser and encouraged more,

Punished lesser and sympathized more

Scheduled lesser and indulged  more

 Why was I in such a hurry?

For her to read her own night time story

To feed herself

Choose her own dress

Get herself ready

Make her own decisions

Always in rush to make her independent!

 Now I miss the times she looked for me

Seeking me out for every thing

To fix a button or tie a lace

Make her hair or wipe her face

 Why did I waste all those precious hours

Getting angry, disciplining her hard

And that incessant chatter

That wouldn’t stop

Why didn’t I listen to it with all my heart?

 Cause fulfilling my other responsibilities

All my life I can spend

But my little girl

won’t come back now

Her childhood has come to an end

How were you placed time-wise when your children were young? Did you feel like you had enough time to enjoy their childhood with them? I would love to hear your experiences.


The Dress can be ‘Garbaged’

Couple of years back about this time I was raving and ranting about M leaving. It was all I could talk about or think about or ‘anything’ about. Two years hence I am ‘quieter’ ‘saner’ and infinitely ‘wiser’.

Which is to say…

My eyes don’t tear up each time I run into one of M’s old friends in the market.

I no longer feel guilty eating an ice cream or ordering Chinese because she is not there to share it with me.

I no longer wake up in the middle of the night convinced that something is seriously wrong with her and I just must know what it is right then and there!

I no longer drive around the boundary wall around her school (The boarding school she goes to is two kilometers from my home) hoping to somehow catch a glimpse of her over the fifteen feet tall stone wall .

Or go to someone’s place for the first time and burst into tears because their daughter is exactly M’s size!!

Ya, I know, I was stupid! And I am not proud about it, but whatever…

Here is what I still do
I still write her long long letters about everything that goes on in our lives.I send her copies of essays and debates I have written (even if the subjects are way beyond her 11 year old brains can possibly comprehend).
When she comes home I try to set aside everything and just be with her. Even if that means, sitting together on a couch and reading our respective books. I find the physical proximity not merely comforting but somehow ‘healing’.

I ‘tell’ her much lesser, we ‘ talk’ more.
She speaks lesser, but I listen more.

I find that now because my time with her is no longer consumed by the everyday nitty-gritty’s of homework to be done and disciplining to be achieved the conversations we do have, have more depth. Like the last time she was home she asked me, what I thought was a good age to be on Facebook/ Instagram.

I bit back an instant reply and asked her what her thoughts on the matter were. She recounted all the reasons she thought social media was not meant for kids her age.

I realized she didn’t need my ‘advice’. All she was looking for was a platform to practice airing her newly formed opinions. We talked about all the stuff that could go wrong on social media and had a good laugh at the expense of some youngsters we know who put up a dozen nerdy pictures of themselves for ‘public ‘ consumption everyday.

Somehow not living under the same roof has made us more ‘equal’. I am forced to look at her as an individuals and not merely an extension of me. An individual who has her own life, that she manages autonomously with almost no help or directions from my side

It is not to say that I no longer advice her. I do! But it is given like advice between two ‘equals’ … ‘friends’ perhaps! It doesn’t come with baggage of “have to listen” because I know that the minute she enters ‘her domain” i.e. her school, she will have to make her own judgments. My advice, no matter how sound may or may not seem appropriate and is thus trash-able completely (No questions asked!)
This is very different from the advice I gave her when she went to a day school. Back then, if the teacher hadn’t added the marks properly or a classmate had ‘borrowed’ a favorite book and not returned it. She was questioned the moment she reached home. “Did you speak to M’am so and so? What did she say?”

And though there were many times she wouldn’t have done what she had been ‘advised ‘ to do. And because I have never believed in ‘punishments’ there would be no obvious reprimands. Yet there was always an implicit understanding that she had ‘botched up’. Leaving her – More than a little guilty and me – a little peeved.
Now I feel more like what I imagine a mother of a married daughter may feel. I still offer advice. But it’s offered with a kind of respect. An acknowledgement that I may not completely understand her realities and thus while this is what I think may work she is the only one who can decide whether it will or will not.
It seems like a very subtle difference in theory but in practice it’s a huge leap.

It is a leap from
“Mom knows everything” to “ This is what mom thinks”
It is also a leap from

“You are too young to understand this” to “You understand this best”
It is a shift from

“Just do it, okay?” to “It’s your decision finally”
With these huge leaps in the last two years our relationship has transitioned.

I definitely miss the little girl who hero – worshiped me and looked up to my every word as if it was a sermon from God. But I must say I kind of admire this self confident little lady I got instead. She holds her own in crowds, has her own well thought out likes, dislikes, beliefs and ideas. And no matter how frustrating it is when she refuses to wear that “absolutely gorgeous” dress I bought her for her aunt’s wedding. It is kind of satisfying to hear her say

“Mom it is not so bad but I don’t feel comfortable wearing something so flashy.”

My daughter has a mind of her own. And what’s more she has developed the right vocabulary to express it. She no longer throws a tantrum or remains quiet when things don’t go her way. She takes a firm stand and explains it, usually with sound logic and great conviction.

I for one love it!

The dress can be ‘Garbaged’!

After all, It is just a dress!!!

- maya and me

A spoonfull of ‘mommy’ wisdom

My younger one – K is Nine now. I sure miss the days when I could scoop him up in my arms and cuddle him, rubbing my nose against the little hollow at the base of  his throat. It always brought out squeals of joy and shouts of mock anger “mumma let me down” that spurred me to cuddle him even more. He would then wrap his little chubby feet around my waist holding me tight throwing his head back so it hung in the air, waiting for the spin he loved to get . Round we whooshed through the air before collapsing on the bed,  breathless with laughter, dizzy with the spinning and very very happy.

God knows I cant do that to him anymore! (He weighs about 35 kgs now :) )  I sorely miss his baby- hood. Carrying him in my arms, rocking him to sleep in my laps, nuzzling him in the crook of my arm while we sat on a rocking chair reading his favorite book, letting him lie on my stomach as we napped on lazy summer afternoons.

“They grow up too fast, enjoy them while they are young!” I heard that a bit too often in those wonderful ‘baby filled’ days. The wistfulness and the look of longing that accompanied those words of advice did seem genuine. But to me engulfed with baby things of my two almost twin kids (They are a year and few months apart!!!) it never really rang a bell. I am glad to say I did enjoy them – We had countless soapy bubble filled bath sessions, and endless gibberish filled conversations, we had long bumpy pram walks and horribly out of tune singing sessions. It was a mad, fun filled time. But it was not all fun!

There were days i was so tired that I could have slept standing up. Days when the diaper basket was overflowing and all the milk bottles lay used up & dirty and days when the kids wouldn’t stop crying. Days when I fervently  wished to god that I could somehow grow either an extra pair of hands or an extra lap to accommodate both my little ones at the same time and the ability to stay up three days without a wink of sleep.

In retrospect I realize now that the frustrations were caused more because of my ideas of what ‘should’ be. Kids should eat healthy, home cooked elaborate meals with greens and as many other colours as possible. They should drink at  least three glasses of milk – preferably unsweetened. Kids should not watch TV while they ate. They should stay away from mud and dirt and germs that lurk everywhere ready to grab them….The list was endless and it made my ‘new-mommy’ life difficult.

If I knew then what i know now – That kids are strong and buoyant. That as long as they get kindness , small doses of spirituality and a lot of unconditional love they will thrive. That regardless of the hundreds of psychological theories that talk about thousands of ways parents screw up their kids lives forever in reality there is not much that we can do wrong. As long as we understand them and care for them and let them be.

I am glad I have learned my lesson now. I realize with gratitude that nine is still not ‘too old’. That there are many days even now when he throws his still chubby arms around me  and sleeps blissfully using my arm as a makeshift pillow. On days like these, no matter how much my arm hurts I never pull it away. Because I am old now and I have learned my lessons and I know that soon this too will pass. And before it does, before it becomes another of those long list of ‘happy memories’ I want to hold on to it, live it and savor it.

What the hell is wrong with us?

Woke up to this news on the front page yesterday! A 35 year old mom feeds her 4 year old and 1 year old daughters rusted nails in their glass of milk, causing them to choke and die. After they die, she sleeps in the same bed as the dead girls for two days, before disposing off the bodies in a nearby well.

Not the kind of story one wants to wake up to on any day. But also not the kind of story one can read and forget! What lead Sunita (the mother) to such a violent crime? Is she truly a ‘heartless’ mother or just severely ‘mentally disturbed’? The story of the ‘killer mother’ made headlines in almost all the papers. One of the local dailies also carried a picture of the father. He had told the newspaper how between him and his three brothers his two daughters were the only ‘girls’ and now the family had no daughters! He blamed Sunita for what had happened accusing her of mental instability saying that she had made an attempt to kill the girls earlier too.

Shocked and intrigued, I read all the following stories on the event. It emerged that

Sunita’s husband and in-laws used to harass her for giving birth to girls.

Her husband worked as a salesman and also got some rental income making approximately 7-8 thousand a month. He spent most of it on alcohol and did not give her any/ enough money for running the home. The police found nothing to eat in her one room home except 200 gm of stinking wheat flour.  The milk she had fed the girls had been ‘borrowed’ from a neighbor. On being asked why she did what she did, Sunita told the police that the girls were always hungry! She could not take it anymore!

Can  Sunita really be blamed for what happened? Isn’t Sunita’s husband responsible for the murders? Though he did not actually feed them the nails, he did not leave much else to feed them with!

Or her in-laws her family and neighbours? Everyone of these was aware of the cruelties that Sunita was undergoing. Could nobody stand up for her?

What about the role of the local administration or government? Why is there no place in our cities and town that a  woman can go to, to get food and shelter for her starving children and  herself?

Or the local police ? In desperate times, shouldn’t a woman like Sunita be able to turn to the police for help? The fact of the matter is that no woman feels safe stepping into a police station! Unless she has a politician or bureaucrat father/ brother/ husband! In all probability if Sunita had taken her complaint of harassment to the police she would have been sent right back. Policemen don’t want to waste their time handling ‘silly domestic matters’! I once met a lady whose second husband was threatening to sleep with her teenage daughter from her first marriage. He was beating her regularly and she was afraid she would not be able to hold him off much longer. When she went to the police, they told her “Has he slept with her till now? Come to us after he does it!” Huh???

Later, as I step out of my home to drop my son to school, we come across a large crowd of school going children. It is a ‘save girls rally’! The local MLA is addressing the children proclaiming loudly that “Girls have as much a right to be born as boys”

All I can think is

Yes! they do Mr MLA, but they also have a right to live after they are born!

If they have to live their lives hiding from filthy stares and groping hands. If they have to live their lives being tortured and hated for no fault of theirs. If they have to live their lives at the mercy of violent and abusive men who treat them like little more than animals. Maybe, just maybe, they are better dead than born!!

My heart goes out to Sunita and to thousands of women like her. Women who are tortured and beaten by their husbands and in-laws to a state that they can no longer think straight. When there seems no way out but to either kill oneself or the ‘unwanted’ children or both!!!

A smaller news in the same paper grabs my attention too. The state has a new Director General of Police. He says his priority is ‘Women’s Safety’. I wish I could believe him. But alas! I have seen too many of them say the same thing for too many years now. I will believe them when I see a change!

mom kills daughters

As of now I just pray. For Sunita, in the jail. And for her innocent daughters. Wherever they are. I hope they understand that even behind this violent-violent act was hidden an unfortunate mother’s endless love!

The Reading Child

“Children these days don’t read” is a common complaint nowadays. Teachers, parents and people in general are always complaining about the absence of reading habit amongst today’s children. As a parent of two little bookworms I am often asked what I did to encourage the ‘reading habit’?

“Nothing”, I reply . Or actually nothing that seemed like work to do!

I take pleasure in reading. It is my favorite pass time and so from the day I conceived ‘M’ I began to read to her. I wasn’t doing this as a mission or with an aim to gain something. I began to do it because it was fun.

Just when I discovered I was pregnant, I came across a book from Scholastic called ‘Read To Your Bunny’. It was the cutest picture book ever . It said “Read to your bunny often…it’s twenty minutes of fun… It’s twenty minutes of moonshine and twenty minutes of sun… something , something, something…and ended with …soon your bunny will read to you.”

read to bunny

Each night I read this little ditty out to the tiny one still in my tummy. Looking back it seems a bit crazy. I can now picture how completely idiotic I must have looked to an onlooker. A thirty year old holding a picture book reading out silly ditties to her oversized tummy. Back then in the midst of the new mummyhood bug I didn’t care! It seemed like the most usual thing to do.

After M was born our reading session continued almost without a pause. Regardless of how old or actually how young M was, and whether she was or wasn’t comprehending anything, I kept reading to her. I did it more as a method of bonding. It wasn’t designed to trigger her intelligence or catapult her into the world of geniuses! It was just fun and the only way I really knew to spend quality time with her. I am not big on gibberish talk and coochie cooing so reading provided me a ‘saner’ option for connecting with my little one.

I am not sure if it was this early exposure to books that made ‘M’ a bookworm. Maybe she would have loved books even if she hadn’t seen one till she was five!I know of some friends’ children who have been bitten by the reading bug after having led a ‘book-less’ life till they were much older and some who have been surrounded by books but haven’t picked up the reading habit. So like anything else it is pretty much a gamble! A gamble in which the stakes seem to be high. Teachers across the board seem to agree that children who are readers tend to be able to focus better, grasp more and have a stronger hold on language.

My own experience is that children who are ‘readers’ know more about the world. They understand situations and emotional dilemmas better. The right kind of books can help make kids more capable of dealing with challenging situations and making mature decisions. Most importantly I know from experience that a child who loves books is never without a friend. I am glad that my children read because it keeps them aware and sharp. But most of all I am happy they read because I know that no matter where they are, with a book by their side they will never be alone.

Life is full of challenges. Books provide not only escape and relief from these challenges but sometimes powerful insight and wisdom based on others experiences and thoughts. And I hope that when faced with choices that require them to make difficult decisions, books will provide my children the extra leverage they need to make the right decision. I also pray that no matter how harsh life’s realities get my kids will always have at their beck and call a world of fantasy and comic relief that makes every trouble of theirs appear small.

Books have been my friends and guides in times when no one was and I am relieved to see them extend the same hand of friendship to my little ones. My kids and me are truly blessed.

 This post was written for Parentous . Parentous is the fastest growing parenting community in India. You must head to their amazing site for many more interesting articles on all aspects of parenting.